The New Fruitcake

As we get ready to head north (to Scranton), for the last of the family holiday visits, I came across this post by Steve Gimbel of Philosophers' Playground on Bad Gifts.

It's his opinion that:

Those who say there are no bad gifts are like those who say there are no stupid questions...they are wrong. Sure, with respect to gifts, it's the thought that counts, but sometimes you are left wondering, "what were you thinking?"

In order to lift this plague of bad gifts, we have seen the rise of the gift card. A bit more stylish than its precursor, the awkwardly sized paper gift certificate, the new plastic version is gaining currency as an acceptable alternative to shopping. But does really avoid the problems of the poorly executed present? No.

The Sacramento Bee picked up his theme, with a piece Gift cards: Caring or a cop-out?, noting:

The little plastic cards will be stuffed in stockings everywhere, good for everything from smoothies and coffee to iTunes downloads and home-improvement gear.

But are gift cards becoming the new fruitcake?

Steven Gimbel thinks so, though he may be an army of one. The philosophy professor at Gettysburg College in Gettysburg, Pa., lectures on matters of ethics and logic, and reasons that gift cards stamp out an almost indefinable spark between giver and recipient.

"When you think of gift- giving, there's that moment of shock: 'How could you have known that was perfect?'" says Gimbel. "What happens at that moment goes beyond that (gift) itself. There's a connectiveness with that person. For those who are the closest to you, (gift cards take) away from that intimacy."

Do consumers think so?

Not judging by the more than $24 billion in gift-card purchases they are expected to make this holiday season, a $6 billion increase over 2005, according to the National Retail Federation Gift Card Survey.

I agree with Steve. As I've mentioned before, l love the holidays. Part of that is the gift giving. I enjoy being able to give to others and to find just the right little present that is perfect for that person. I usually begin my Christmas shopping in September, looking for those treasures as I go. I never used to ask the recipient what he or she wanted, because part of the fun was the surprise.

Sometimes I'll stumble across a unique item that I'll buy, even if I'm not sure who it's for at that time. It may be one of those things that a few people might enjoy. Other times, I'll see something that "looks just like" the person & I'm in luck. To me, the important thing is to look for a gift that the person would like, not me (and if it's something I like, I may have to treat myself).

I prefer going to craft fairs, antique stores and shopping at small boutiques -- it helps to keep the holiday shopping experience a pleasant one. For example, when shopping in Chestnut Hill during the holidays, there are musicians playing music on the streets and people may actually smile at each other. I know many of the shop owners, so they are friendly. I rarely shop at malls, so I avoid the hassle and craziness involved in the mall scene.

Much as I enjoy being a Santa & a gift giver, it has become increasingly difficult to do. As Gimbel correctly explains:

A good gift is also something someone wants. There is no greater success than seeing wide eyes and hearing, "How did you know?" A great present is one that displays an unspoken intimacy, an understanding of who the person really is.

But, of course, this is where life gets tricky because even folks you know well are not always transparent in this way. Picking out a gift is making a statement about what you see as a person's projects and pleasures and this will reflect how you see and judge them. If the person is a music lover, you might think that buying them music would be a good idea. But, of course, this is a holiday mine field. You don't want to get them music they will dislike or music they already have. If there is a specific genre or artist they like, buying certain popular titles may accidentally indicate that you think they are not enough of a fan that they wouldn't already have this cd or that they are a johnny-come-lately.

I also think it is harder because we have so much. We are a materialistic society & are into acquiring things. I certainly don't exclude myself from that. As I often say, I've long past needing anything. At this point, all of the objects of my desire are in the want category. In any event, the result is that actual gift giving is increasingly fading as a part of our culture. Gimbel notes:

This is where the gift card has found a home in the gift giving process. If you let them pick out their music, books, or games, they'll be guaranteed to get what they wanted and in an indirect way, you gave it to them. You will have made the people you were buying for happy and done it without all the tedious figuring out what to buy. What could be better?

But it is precisely this simplicity that impoverishes the giving of the gift card. Yes, you are guaranteed to not have given a bad gift, but at what expense? Now, gift giving has become about the gift itself, and not the giving. The sense of connection is gone. The gift card is about you, not about us. It sends the message that happiness is to be found in acquiring the things you want, not in being close to people who care about you – even if the people close to you do not really know you. . . . Sometimes it is the thought that counts.

See also, More Bad Gifts.

This year, sad to say, I took the easy route, at least for the teen members of the family. Who knows what to get them? They don't even know what they want. Little kids got toys. Adults still got gifts, but the in-betweeners got cash. After hearing a story about gift cards on NPR, Gift Cards: The Gifts That Keep on Taking, I opted for cash. It's what my younger brother used to call the "gift of love" -- money.