Sunday, October 05, 2008

Wedding Bell Blues

I'm willing to bet that when he enters the privacy of the voting booth, Levi Johnston will be pulling the ballot for Barack Obama.

The Kansas City Star reports that Levi, the boyfriend of Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, may be planning to tie the knot with her this summer. As the paper reports, Palin daughter, fiance consider summer wedding:

Sarah Palin's teenage pregnant daughter, Bristol, and her boyfriend are considering a summer wedding.

Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, haven’t set a wedding date yet, his mother, Sherry Johnston, said Thursday.

The two have been considering getting married next summer, “but that could change,” she said during a short interview outside her Wasilla home. The baby is due in late December.

The young couple was thrust into the spotlight after Sarah Palin was selected as John McCain’s running mate in late August.

That only intensified Sept. 1 when Palin announced her unwed daughter was pregnant, spinning Internet speculation about the father’s identity. In a short statement, the campaign never identified Levi, instead saying only: “Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family.”

So, the baby's due in December, they're planning a summer wedding, but plans could change. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the translation for this one.

That is, if McCain/Palin loses, and Sarah slinks back to Alaska, the wedding's off. On the other hand, should they somehow squeak by (or steal the election), the wedding will be moved up to a date prior to the inauguration, so we save the country of the embarrassment of an "out of wedlock" (grand)baby in the White House. You know, Christian values being what they are and all.

Hopefully, we can help prevent the shotgun marriage from happening. Otherwise, we have to go with Bill Maher's New Rule, where he announced the website he created FreeLevi.org:

If we can’t, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I’m talking about young Master Levi Johnston. He’s the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as “a boozing pot-smoker who doesn’t want to get married” – and John McCain thinks he found his soul mate!

We’ve all recently seen how evil henchman of the Republican party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding, all so that their campaign narrative of fake family values could be upheld. When the 17-year-old daughter of the vice presidential candidate running on the Jesus ticket is “out to here,” it’s just better that Levi was introduced as the “fiancĂ©.” Looks a little less white trashy.

But that doesn’t change the fact that right now Levi is America’s number one political prisoner. But Levi, you don’t have to be – this is the 21st century, at least in the blue states. We don’t have sharia law like in Saudi Arabia, or Alabama, and as much as the Bible thumpers would want it, we still don’t have arranged marriages in America. You don’t have to do this – you have options. You can pull a Juno – fuck, you live in Juneau! Or you could do what most people do with an unwanted child: give it to Angelina Jolie.

* * * *

In any event, we here at Real Time have taken the liberty of purchasing the website FreeLevi.org. And I will be happy to give the site over to you if you want to use it to get folks to contribute to some sort of liberty fund so you can get enough money to get out of that frozen meth lab they call a town.

1 comment:

quakerdave said...

That kid better behave.

If Momma Palin gets elected and Levi steps out on Bristol, he may end up in Gitmo...