Sunday, January 11, 2009

The First 100

Today is January 11th. We have finally passed the mark. We are now into the single digits and counting the days until January 20th.

This certainly has been the strangest interlude between Presidencies ever. We have George W. Bush, who is President in name only. Instead, he's solely focused on making up his legacy, tap dancing his way to infamy. And then we have the President-elect. Barack "One President at a time" Obama has been playing President pretty much from the day after the election (and doing a better job than the guy who's been there for 8 years).

Of course, with his early start, there are strong expectations that he needs to solve all the pent up problems NOW -- you know, those niggling problems like the economy, the Middle East, Iraq, health care, Guantanamo. And then, in his second week, he should turn to things like immigration, the environment, China, Russia, Iran -- and perhaps fix some of those Cabinet picks of his as well.

With the warp speed needed to address (and fix) our various pressing needs, Obama has tried to dampen expectations and has proposed a new yardstick for measuring his accomplishments -- that is, a 1000 day Presidential grace period before his first report card is issued.

Well, good luck with that! In fact, Dennis DiClaudio of Comedy Central has unveiled the more appropriate criteria, as put forth by Mad Magazine: Barack Obama’s First 100 Minutes. DiClaudio explains:

As Barack Obama prepares to take office in less than two weeks -- still seems like an eternity, doesn't it? -- There's been a lot of talk about how he'll spend, and what he'll achieve, during his first 100 days in office.

Even though he's warned against expecting miracles during that time period and has tried in vain to consider instead his first 1,000 days in office (yeah, right), the speculation does not end.

Mad Magazine has a different question: What will Barack Obama achieve during his first 100 minutes in office?

And of course, Mad Magazine being Mad Magazine, they've come up with the answers:

Here's a sampling of their findings...

Minutes 1-2: Round up Michelle and kids, give finger to Bush and Cheney, head to Oval Office

Minute 3: Remove stupid flag pin from lapel

Minutes 10-13: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minute 25: Go on Facebook; put out a friend request to Ahmadinejad (with no preconditions)

Minute 26: Remind Biden to "shut his f*#king cakehole"

Minutes 45-48: Sneak out to Rose Garden for a quick smoke

Minutes 65-67: Delete "private" Scarlett Johansson photos before surrendering Blackberry to Secret Service

Minutes 91-99: Do a little blow

For the rest, see The First 100 Minutes of the Obama Presidency.

(Many, many thanks to Jonathan Valania of Phawker for this one)

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